Perfect Marriage

RED SKELETON'S RECIPE FOR THE

PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
   little beverage, good food and companionship.
   She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
   anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said
   So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
.. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" .... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
    first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
    I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
  My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
    I said "Dust!"

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by   the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"





"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"



He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "

Article from 1955 Housekeeping Monthly Magazine

Please note that the underlines and highlights were done by the man who sent this to me.
His wife will handle that later.

HOWEVER, Are we really ready for a woman president?

Sharing

"He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them.

As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked "What is it you are waiting for?" She answered, "the teeth."

Mens Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Listen up!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

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DONALD DENNIS AND ANN (MILLER) DENNIS FAMILY WEBSITE NEW on the site

1. HOME (The early years)	2. Pueblo, Gr Junction,	3. Fairbanks 1	4. Fairbanks 2
5. Arizona	6. Rural San Diego	7. Mixed Pictures	8. Family Album
9. Extended Family	10. Dupree Ranch	AAU Basketball Denver	Articles 1 2 3 Lefse

STURGIS 58 Reunion Sturgis Pic 1 Pic 2 Pic 3 58 Bios Yearbooks 1958 36 37 55 56 57 59 60 61 62 84 85 86 JrHi59 57 Reunion 62 Reunion SHS Newspapers Calendars 56-61 58 pics 58 Deceased 58 30th Reunion 58 letters 58 Basketball Early 58 pics Joe Hamm	FOWLER 57 Yrbk: 1957 48 50 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 1 (People) 2 (Mix) 3 (Brochure) 4 (Houses) 5 (Missouri Day) 64 in Review 1958 Page Reunions: 57 57 Booklet 55 thru 59 61 Reunion 1961 FHS News 54-61 news clips 1928 pics/notes Colo Interactive Map 2008_All-School Reunion
Pueblo College: Yearbook 58-59 59-60 Arrow 58/59 Don's College/Jobs Ann's College/Jobs Army & Yrbk	Ann's Pottery/Art	Perfect Marriage (or not)	Uptown Theater	La Veta
	Classmates	Baseball	Silly Stories	Songs
Ancestors MAIN MENU Cully, Eunice, Fred, Casey, Hazel, Donald, Verna, Buck, Inez, NY/SD Millers, Joens Research on Utters	Dennis/Wright Slideshow Scotty Wright Stewart Family Pictures Ferguson 1 Ferguson History 1935 Attica KS Book

USS Dennis USS Fogg USS St. Lo Delbert Miller James Turner POW WWII

"It All Began" "....And an Electric Chair"

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