My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school  reunion, and I
    kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink
  as she sat alone at a nearby table.
 
     My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
 
      'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
     drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
 and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
 
   'My Gosh!' says my wife, 'who would think a
 person could go on celebrating that long?'

Our new theme song:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,

Walkers and  handrails and new dental fittings,

Bundles of magazines tied up in string,

These are a few of my favorite things..



Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,

Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,

Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,

These are a few of my favorite things



When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,

When the knees go bad,

I simply remember my favorite things,

And then I don't feel so bad.



Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,

No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,

Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,

These are a few of my favorite things.



Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',

Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',

And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,

When we remember our favorite things.



When the joints ache, When the hips break,

When the eyes grow dim,

Then I remember the great life I've had,

And then I don't feel so bad!